November 22, 2022 I finished copying the book of Numbers. It has taken me 4 years and 8 months to get this far and I’m amazed at how God has used this project in my life. Looking back at my journal during this time I see how God has used His word in a powerful way. It has humbled and strengthened me and helped me see the incredible love he has for me. My heart breaks for those who are facing the challenges of this life and without God and without hope.
You see friend, I was there at one point. When I was younger I felt that my life did not matter. My life was empty. I found myself filling it with things that kept me distracted to avoid dealing with those emotions. In my superficial understanding of God I struggled with not being good enough. I knew I could never do enough to make him pleased with me. I felt hopeless, but God chose to reveal his truth to me and it changed my life.
How I Found Hope
One winter night I could not drown out the voices in my head telling me: “You are a failure.” “As much as you try to please God you are still a screw-up.” “Even if you say you are sorry and meant it, who are you kidding? You would still sin again tomorrow if you had the chance!” “How could God love someone like you?”
In brokenness of heart I drove to the church I attended with my parents. As I knelt down and looked up at the cross I sobbed. I wondered how Jesus could love a sinner like me so much that he would die for me.
In that moment what Jesus did became crystal clear: None of us deserve his love. None of us can earn it. That is what grace is: “But God demonstrated his own love toward us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8). ” God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” (2 Corinthians 5:21)
In that chapel at the foot of the cross I confessed and repented of my sin. I prayed to God that I wanted him to be LORD of my life. That he could take my messy life if he wanted it and I would follow him.
Was it worth it?
That night was in January 1989. The journey I started all those years ago has had ups and downs but I am still in awe of what Jesus did for me. The last 5 years have been some of the most difficult I have ever faced. I have been challenged beyond what I thought I could bear, have struggled with heartache and grief, faced discouragement and wanted to quit many times. Through it all God is there: Loving me, teaching me, guiding me, convicting me.
My prayer for each one who is reading this blog is that you will see God’s heart for you. My hope is that as I share my struggles, my failures, and my victories you will also see God’s faithfulness, holiness, and incredible love that is found in the pages of the Bible. I pray that if these ideas are new to you that you would seek God for yourself. That you would have the courage to start your own journey with him. I also pray that weary believers will find strength to continue on in the hope we have in Christ.
Plan of Salvation
“There is none righteous, not even one; There is none who understands, There is none who seeks for God;” Romans 3:10
“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” Romans 3:23
“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8
“For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:23
“If you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness and with the mouth he confessess, resulting in salvation.” Romans 10:9-10
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